


You were never supposed to see this.

by The58thAcademic



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Is Trying His Best, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Disabled Character, Canonical Child Abuse, Everyone Needs A Hug, Graphic Description, Homophobia, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Adam Parrish, M/M, Panic Attacks, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:08:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28601208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The58thAcademic/pseuds/The58thAcademic
Summary: By the time Adam Parrish joined Aglionby, he had long since given up on the idea of feeling safe, but with the help of his friends, he came to the realisation that perhaps, he could be. Due to an ill-timed visit from his father, the progress might just get reversed.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	You were never supposed to see this.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I don't know if any of you will like this, but I was kind of disappointed to learn there wasn't much content containing Robert Parrish showing up at Aglionby. In fact, I don't think there is any. Anyway, this should change that, enjoy!

Adam Parrish had three rules. 

The first was to graduate top of his class to secure an escape route from Henrietta. Besides the exceptions that were Gansey, Ronan, and Noah, by the time he would leave for college he would have nothing left worth staying for. Given Gansey’s unconfirmed road-trip plans with Blue and Henry, Ronan’s inability to remain in one place for longer than a minute, and Noah’s restless yearn for fame, he doubted they would remain here either. 

His second was to always work more hours than his father believed he did. This rule, just like the last, was built for self-preservation more than anything. When he’d first explained it to Gansey, he had thought the statement was ironic, simply because his father was more inclined to get violent if he knew he was being denied something he believed to be his. Maybe a better phrase for it would be fall-back plan. The money not taken from him to pay for his share of the bills went towards his Aglionby tuition, and any left afterwards went towards the meagre college fund he had hidden in a cereal box at Monmouth. 

The third rule, the most important, was, of course, the one he had broken. It hadn’t been intentional, but his friends were not blind. They had their suspicions when he appeared at school in long sleeves during the summer, and bruises with shoddy excuses. Those suspicions had been confirmed when he’d needed medical attention- had practically crawled 50 metres in the Henrietta dust to reach the dirty payphone at the end of his drive- and called Gansey at three in the morning to ask if he could take him to the emergency room. That night was the first he spent at Monmouth, as Gansey had outright refused to drop him off at Antiem Lane, and Ronan, for the first time since Adam had known him, backed Gansey up. His exact words were, “We’re going to Monmouth, you’re going to shut the fuck up and come with us, we’re going to order pizza and you will eat it- don't make that face Parrish, when was the last time you ate? Exactly- and then you’re going to sleep in a bed that doesn’t have 3 tog sheets, and we’ll return you to your trailer after school tomorrow. Ok? Right, now get in the fucking car”. 

And so, his third rule had been adapted from not letting his friends know about his life outside of school and work, to not letting the rest of the school know about his life outside of school and work. It worked quite well, because he has nothing to talk about with the other raven boys, and not having to lie to his friends felt like a weight has been lifted off his chest. 

But Adam forgot, he made the rules for a reason. And once one was broken, the effects might be irreparable. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Adam was sat in AP calculus when it happened. 

He was distracted, thinking about Ronan’s absence, staring out the window. The soft afternoon light was streaming in through the blinds, swirling the dust on the floor in irregular circles which he followed with his eyes, and he was trying to picture how Ronan’s blue eyes would look highlighted by the golden light. (He’d covered this work with Gansey the previous week, and already had the necessary notes, or he wouldn’t allow himself to be so stupid as to not pay attention in class.) 

The air was thick with the mid-summer heat, and with the drone of Mr Parker in the background, he felt pleasantly sluggish. That could be have been the sleep deprivation (only 20 hours, honestly it shouldn’t even be classed as “deprivation”)or the result of his minor concussion (nothing dramatic, he could get still through the day), but Adam decided that bringing these up to Gansey, no matter how jovially, would probably result in a lecture, which Adam didn’t have time for. 

The tinny sound of the tannoy broke through his daze, but not enough to register what was said. When the rest of his class turned to stare, he realised that he probably should've been paying better attention to the lecture and resolved to make a second set of notes. It was only then did he hear the slightly exasperated tone of the school secretary over the tannoy for a second time. 

“Could Mr. Adam Parrish please report to reception?” 

Adam had never been called over the tannoy before. He turned a questioning gaze to Gansey. Apparently, he had no idea what it was about either, and it was only when the secretary called for him again, sounding distinctly irritated, that they became aware of what was about to happen. 

“Could Mr. Adam Parrish please come to recept- oh I say, how rude, mmphh”, she was cut off midway through a word, by a voice Adam knew all too well. 

“You better get your ass to the front of the buildin' in the next two minutes boy, I’ll make you regret the day you were born, little fucker. I know what you’re doing, runnin' around with the Lynch boy, you’re lucky I'm givin' you the chance to save him” with each word Adam shrunk further back into his seat, another set of eyes turned to him, and his hands started to shake, “I know you’ve been fuckin' that Lynch boy you little fag- what the fuck are you doing? Get your hands the fuck off me I swear to god I’ll kill-” The microphone was wrestled from his hands, presumably by the campus security guards. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Adam could feel his heartbeat in his hands. The blood was trying to escape, pour out of his wounds and expose them for everyone to see, his heart beating so hard it felt like it was about to jump out of his chest. He reached for the edges of the bandages wrapped around the wounds on his back, the ones that Ronan had dressed for him the night before and can feel his grasp on reality slipping through his fingers. He tries to take a breath. It's like breathing in shards of glass, his breath catches and _oh god he can’t_ _breathe-_

The lack of oxygen is burning his insides, like some raging inferno fuelled by fear, taking every part of this safe place he built and turning it to dust and he wants to say “No this is mine, you shall not take this too” but god he _can’t breathe-_

There's a pregnant silence in the class, the only sounds his ragged breathing, amplified tenfold in his ears, and Gansey’s cautious footsteps. They both know Ronan is the best at sorting him out when he's in this state, but Ronan isn’t here, and _where is he?_

The silence isn’t quite silence, his breathing was filling the air as loud as if he were screaming or shouting, and his skin is crawling and _how did he get here he’s not allowed it’s not fair please-_

Gansey says his name and its muffled behind the memories clouding his mind, but he can hear it and he realises he was speaking out loud, he was begging in front of his class, and they would never take him seriously again and _no_ this isn’t how it’s supposed to go- 

“Adam”, Gansey says again. 

And then he doesn’t care that he’s begging because he’s clutching Gansey’s sweater and Gansey’s arms are around his back and if he closes his eyes, he can almost believe that its Ronan here, its Ronan hugging him and he takes a breath. 

And another. And another. 

And he tries to pretend that that didn’t happen, but then the sirens sound for an intruder in the school, and he can’t ignore it. 

But, unsurprisingly, Adam is good at compartmentalisation. So he compartmentalises it. He puts the memory in his mother's faded old hat box, tucks it above the dresser in his parents' bedroom. He let's go of Gansey’s sweater. Ignores the stares of his classmates, the boys now hidden under tables. Asks Gansey, in a voice he can barely hear, if he can please take Adam's things back to Monmouth with him and take his notes in Latin and he thinks that Gansey gives some protest, grabbing at his arm but he doesn’t know because he’s already out the door and down the corridor. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Adam wasn’t really sure what his plan was then. He had never not been sure about something before, and it was a disconcerting feeling. All he knew was that he had to get away from the oppressive stares and that maybe his father would leave if Adam gave himself up. He'd never thought of himself as a martyr before, and the thought almost made him laugh. 

He didn’t laugh though. Because as soon as the thought had crossed his mind, he had turned the corner and seen Robert Parrish, in all his trailer hick glory, rattling the door handles of the classrooms. 

Adam stopped. 

Wondered if it was too late to run. 

But then it was too late because Robert was moving on and had turned his head and had seen him and his eyes narrowed as he charged, and Adam was stuck to the spot- 

And he went flying into the lockers behind him. 

The force wasn’t enough to knock him out, but it did knock the wind out of him, leaving him lying on the floor, his father looming over him. 

“Thought you’d give yourself up, did you?”, he was leaning in and Adam could smell the alcohol on his breath, but he couldn’t turn his head because his father had his jaw in a bruising grip, and he couldn’t cry because that would make it worse and "Thought you’d let your friends think you saved them? Fuckin' fag, you wanted to save you own ass, didn’t you? I found out about you and the Lynch boy, god it was like you weren’t even tryin' to hide it. Well, we’re goin' to do a little broadcast for your friends. Show them just what a coward you are.” his father was dragging him by the ankle down the corridor and he couldn’t quite get a grasp on the wood panels and the slide was ripping his shoulders to pieces. 

His father’s words had sunk in, but Adam wasn’t with him anymore. He was with Ronan, swimming in the little lake they’d found in Cabeswater- but it wasn’t quite enough to distract him and as he was dumped backwards on the little chair behind the tannoy in the office, he could feel his hands starting to shake and tears pricking behind his eyes. (Adam wasn’t quite sure how they had got to the office, but he wasn’t about to ask.)

His father had begun to speak again. “So, what we’re going to do is this. You are going to hold that little button- that one right there- down, whilst we give your friends a re-enactment of last night's activities. Understand? Yes? Then do it.” 

Adam pushed the button. His hands were shaking violently now. 

"Gansey, don’t worry, I’m fine, I’ll be- _fuck_ _",_ his dad pressed a finger right into a welt he’d left last night, and Adam groaned, very nearly screamed, and he continued gasping, " _fuck_ \- Gans- call Ro _, please_ _.”_

_“_ See I don’t remember that from last night,” Adam was so close to sobbing and his father was pressing his face right up against his and, " _That's more like it.”_

The alcohol on his breath, and the knowledge the whole school could hear what was happening, made him feel sick so he vomited into the trash can next to the desk. 

_“_ You always did have a weak stomach,” Robert was snarling in his ear, punctuating his words with savage whips of his belt, “Weak. Just like the rest of you.” 

Adam was begging. He didn’t know who or what for, but he was gasping and hiccoughing, saying _please_ , just like his father liked, calling out to Gansey, Ronan, Noah, Blue. His father did not like that. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

After twenty minutes of verbal berating and screams and slurs, Robert stopped. Adam was semi-conscious. 

His father was saying something, but he couldn’t quite catch it over the fear clouding his mind and his gasps filling the air, but Adam still had his hands on the button, and he could just ask someone later, right? The door swung open, then closed. 

Adam let out a sob of relief, slid off the chair, and curled up on the floor. 

He didn't know how long he lay there, but he vaguely registered the door reopening, the sound of feet scuffling on the wooden floor, horrified gasps and Gansey’s presidential voice telling someone to “Go get the paramedics, _quickly,_ can’t you see he’s in pain?” Ronan’s angry snarl as shoved classmates out the way and grasped onto Adams palm like it’s his lifeline, growling that “You better not die on me Parrish, stay awake a bit longer, I’ll meet you in your dreams”. 

The soft afternoon light was streaming in through the blinds, swirling the dust on the floor in irregular circles, but Adam looked at Ronan, with his large blue eyes backlit by the sun and he thinks, _oh._ _T_ _his is what I was waiting for._ _Ronan is here, everything’ll be fine._

_(Afterwards, he swears up and down that he didn’t say that out loud, and that he didn’t hear Ronan whisper into his ear “I love you, so you better wake back up to_ _return the sentiment Parrish.”)_

And then he’s dreaming, a faint smile cast on his bruised face. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


End file.
